Tuesday, January 13, 2009

Winter Narrative

Veronica Garren
Mrs. Boresen
Expos. Writing, p. 4
1/13/09
Holiday Happiness
Walking off of the air plane I immediately noticed the familiar warmth of 64 degree weather. There was a slight breeze as always and before my eyes were the light and dark browns of the surrounding deserts and, in the distance, of the mountains. As I passed the crowds of people, I saw a sea of 10 gallon hats and alligator cowboy boots of bright blues and oranges. Yes, I was finally home in El Paso, Texas.
Looking back at previous Christmases I can’t say that they held the same meaning for me as they do today. Every year it is tradition for my family to gather together on Christmas Eve for the joy of company, presents, and Grandma’s cooking. On the day of Christmas, I would gather my millions of presents and admire the new things I now possessed.
This year was different because I no longer live at home nor do I have the comfort of family. I live in Colorado, away from everyone I love, away from the safety of home, and away from Grandma’s cooking, so you can imagine the happiness I felt in returning home this Christmas.
The best part of my trip was seeing my dad. Walking out of the airport his smile greeted me, his special smile that shows all of his teeth and makes his left eye a little smaller than the other. Listening to other people talk about their holidays, I notice they don’t mention the time they spent with family. Always talking about what movie they saw or present they received, people don’t realize the best gift is bonding with your family.
During my stay in El Paso, I made tamales with my step mother, watched a movie with my parents and talked as we all sat around the huge wooden dining table. It wasn’t a new pair of shoes or even Grandma’s cooking that made my time in Texas fun, but the time spent with the ones I love most during my favorite holiday of the year that made it the best Christmas I could have asked for.

3 comments:

  1. Veronica: I liked you hook! I didn't know that you are from Texas. The order of your story is strong. Try to start using more tranistional statements, not just words. Proof read aloud, there were a few spelling and grammical mistakes.

    Score of Audience and Purpose: 3.8. Transitions needed to help provide clear insight.

    Score for format: 3.8 Missing the Assignment title from the heading

    Total score: 46/50 92%

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  2. wow i like your esay =] it was so detailed and it gave me a picture in my mind! oh and you had a good beginning sentence. you did a really good job.

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  3. Nice job! I really liked how you described things, it helped me create and image. I also like how you touched on the fact that spending time with your family was the best part.

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